haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
