as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
