Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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