i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
