We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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