Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
