I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
