i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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