Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
