Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That accounts for only three of the penises
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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