I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
