this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
