I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
