Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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