Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do herpes really smell.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
