Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
