two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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