can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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