i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
