so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
