You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
