When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're not piercing ourselves today.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
