You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
