I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
