new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
