so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
