it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
