went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
