the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
