There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
