i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
