Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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