hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
