take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
