The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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