thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
