Will you blow on my dice?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
