he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
