Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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