the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
