i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
