Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
