Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
