the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did I show you my penis last night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
