I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Who died my cat blue again?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
