I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
