I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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