I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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