if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
