I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
