He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
