How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
