Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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