I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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