if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
