two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
