so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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