We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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